So I'm walking home from my afternoon run, when I see this black dude taking a leak against a tree, right on the sidewalk ahead of me. he's havng a chat with his friend, and appears not only sober but not at all crazy. I kind of shake my head as I walk by, and his friend calls me "cracker" but then the dude says, "NO BUTT."

If a black dude thinks i have no butt, then my butt must be smaller than I thought it was, woo hoo!!

You know I started writing this big poetic and sappy post about men i loved and loved me back, men who couldn't love me, men who I didn't love back. But why not just put it out there?
Being rejected SUCKS.
Rejecting someone SUCKS.
Trying to be friends with someone who rejected you sometimes HURTs (even though you know they were wrong for you anyway).
Trying to be friends with someone whom you ended a long relationship with is hard. You wish you could be close with them but after a while you both just kind of move on with your lives and although you know that's what's right it still hurts because you remember how close you were before. (obviously i talked to D from California this week). I've watched two men I've loved deeply move on to get married (each within a year) after I ended things with them, and I'm still single. This usually doesn't bother me. I've been so focused on my career, and figuring out who I am and what I want in life (all fine things to be figuring out). But sometimes I wonder if I coudln't have been doign the figuring with either of them. Well, maybe not the first one, he was a cocky arrogant ass. Well maybe not the second one, he wanted a normal life. I wanted a life of adventure, and mystery, and leaping without a net, and risks, and strangers, and weird foods, and weird people, and New York. And now I have that. So maybe now I want intimacy too. and cupcakes.

This is my first official post as a NEW YORK RUNNER! WOO HOO!

I have a sprained ankle that actually feels BETTER when I walk on it, worse when I am off it for hours. Anyone ever have this?

here's what happened: I live in a place that has high front stairs as it is, and they took the stone off the top of one to be replaced. I was walking down the steps yesterday on the way out for a run, and I don't know if i misjudged it or whatever but BAM my ankle turned on my way down. After the requisite MOTHER F*&*ER language, I sat down for a minute to recover. Oddly enough, it hurt a little, but I could still walk on it. I DESPERATELY wanted some exercise so I decided to still go out for at least a walk. After ten minutes of walking, it felt...ok.
I gingerly did a few steps of jogging...still ok.
So, I decided unless it started hurting more, i'd do my intended workout. I did it - and more! Had a nice wearing out of the craftyredhead and came home. I was pooped, ate some lunch, and took a nap. When I awoke several hours later - it hurt! I thought ok, I guess i did overdo it. I iced it while I was around the house, and put an ACE brace on it when I walked around a bit on a date last night. Again, it didn't feel too bad!
So I get up this morning, and BAM it hurts again!! I ice it, treat it gingerly again, but I have things i HAVE TO DO, so I limp around on it. Surprisingly, the more I walk on it, the better it feels!

Anyone else ever have this odd kind of sprain? If it helps, the place where it hurts is not around the main ankle bone - but go forward about two inches, the other bone that sticks out on the inside of your foot (not sure what it's called). That is a little swollen.

I'm having a devil of a time naming my consulting biz - the part where I am writing and doing SEO...(graphic design is studiomoodle.com)

what do you think about:

smart mouth consulting

It's not too cutesy, and even though it does have a "smart ass" connotation - it does describe what's coming out of my head...

love it? hate it? what do you think?

So I'm intrigued by the book, "Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure."

I noodled around with a few but I think this sums it up the best:

*life improved after realizing everyone's dysfunctional

stolen from slughuntersf

Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Which ex? ;) For all except one, would pull over and flog them with blankets, call fire department, save their lives.
For other one, I'd douse him with more gas and pull out the marshmallows.

What is the last thing you spent money on?
This little chicken guy from the craft show.

Who is the most attractive female/male on your MySpace friends list?
Ugh I deleted my MySpace account because MySpace hurts my eyes.

If you had to sleep with one of your teachers from high school, who would it be?
Let's see, my choices were either: perverted priests, or frigid nuns. NONE.

The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say to them?
Did they spell it "bitch" or "beeyotch" makes a difference...

What was the last thing you cried about?
been spending too much time alone working and I miss my peeps.

When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell them to keep it?
KEEP THE CHANGE AND GO MAKE YOURSELF PRETTY.

What is the last voice mail you received about?
This guy I'm dating calling me to talk to me all drugged up on Vicodin because he pinched his sciatic nerve. poor guy!

Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
hmm...thankfully last year was pretty tame...although there was a ride on a NYC subway where a hoody guy asked me to get off the train with him.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
HELL NO. But sometimes for fun.

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
Que? Yo no hablo Taco Bell. YECH!!!

Have you ever had a garage sale?
Every week! I'm moving to New York and doing purge fest 2008 and my garage sale is being held on craigslist.

What color is your iPod?
Which one? I have iPhone with purple case, pink nano (for running), and old school pink mini that I can't bring myself to sell. PINK PINK PURPLE.

Do you drink beer?
eh. when forced I'll drink Stella Artois.

What was the last movie you watched at home?
Marie Antoinette. Great 80s soundtrack!!!

Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife?
Don't really have bf, am dating two guys, one I met online and one I met through a different guy I'm no longer dating.

What's something fun you did today?
Attended the HandMaiden Minneapolis craft show. Also had lunch with my superfun friend sassy_54 and her bf and son.

How many states in the US have you been to?
Intentionally traveled to: 12. add a handful more that I drove through.

What are you going to do after this?
draw some more toast cartoons for buttons Im making this week. See my toasts here!

Who was the last person you went shopping with?
wow...um....my friend Nicole. I really don't shop much...

What kind of car do your siblings drive?
My brother doesn't even have a license even though he's 25!

In no particular order
1. Hand holding
2. Someone to cook with/for
3. Making up our own common language/vernacular
4. Someone to create stuff for
5. Frequent communique of the humorous nature
6. someone to say "poor baby" to me when I've had a rough day
7. Someone to cheer on
8. Feeling like a team
9. Someone to tell me when I'm whining/full of shit
10. lying in bed all pretzeled in each other looking into each other's eyes and then someone farts

I was so looking forward to the Handmaiden Minnesota's craft show in uptown, but the weather is saying it's 33 BELOW ZERO windchill so I'm not so keen on leaving the cuddly warmth of my down comforter and fuzzy robe right now.

So i have been chatting with this guy in New York since I met him last October. First conversations were fun...we were gettting to know each other. Not necessarily deep conversations, but frequent ones. He made some comment that the real character of a person comes out just in daily interactions, and I liked that. This continued for about two months, then his daughter came to live with him, a HUGE change for him. He was kind of freaked out, but happy to have her there. Since then, we've been able to chat less (obviously). I'd try to ping him during the day, but he's super busy now with election stuff going on (he works for a democratic organization). So, frequency of our chats has been less and less. . But something that bugs me is he's an "abrupt" person. I pointed it out one day and he completely agreed. He even said if he goes out with people, and suddenly decides he wants to leave, he'll just go. He won't even say goodbyes or anything. I would more consider that a little rude, but who knows. He sort of does that on chat too.
If I ping him during the day and he's online, many times he'll just go "red," i.e. he'll change his status to "away" without even acknowledging my ping. A few times of this happening I didn't take personally. But i did ask him, "is it futile to try to chat you during the day?" He said, "no, please keep trying." Then I get on in the evening, and he's usually going to bed.
I felt like we were getting to know each other but in the last month felt that sort of stop progressing. Part of it's me...i have kind of given up trying to chat him anymore, and moreover have stopped being available on chat in general just because I'm getting frustrated with using it as a primary conversational medium (with anyone). He has started to call me for short phone calls which is fun.
I dunno, maybe it's just futile to have a relationship progress long distance sometimes. Or I'm just using this as yet another orthwhile distraction from my own life.

So I'm working on a graphic design project for a client - it's one of those free gazette type things, he wanted a mockup so rather than just put in "blah blah blah" i'm writing fake content.
Do you know how easy it is to write a snarky astrology column? I think it's what Rob Brezny does.

For your reading enjoyment:

Aries
Mars is finally out of retrograde. You can cancel all your shrink appointments for the next month. Start planning sales calls and asking people out again. Shave whatever hair is appropriate for your gender.

Taurus
You've been having some family issues the last week or so, but all that is done for now. Next week: Dad announces he’s gay and in love with the manager at Foot Locker.

Gemini
Now would be a good time to get some cheesecake. Seriously.

Cancer
While everyone else is getting out from under the rock, you'd better get under it. Big nasty stuff is coming down. Don't peek out until next Thursday.

Leo
Someone you’ve had a crush on has finally noticed you. Too bad they ‘ve noticed your stalking. Watch for a restraining order in the mail tomorrow.

Virgo
You've been a good dog. Walkies?

Libra
I know you've been contemplating some big life changes as of late. Good news! You're not pregnant. You do however have crabs. Imbibe at will.

Scorpio
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

Sagittarius
You are the chattiest sign of the zodiac, and everyone is tired of it. Read a book.

Capricorn
You are known as the sign with no soul. This column is not going to dispute that, you dark-hearted, soulless bastard.

Aquarius
Things are finally looking up for you at work! Yes, it was worth it to screw the VP.

Pisces
Stop whining.
No, really.

Netflix is my best friend right now. I'm catching up on all the movies I've missed while living in Minneapolis (NOT a first run movie town). Right now I'm watching U.S. vs. John Lennon. The movie itself was compelling. A stark portrait of life in the late 60s and early 70s in which John Lennon and Yoko were voices for peace. Inevitably talk turns to comparing that time to now, and I feel a kinship with those who opposed the Vietnam war; yet I feel even more powerless than they did then. The government doesn't listen, has never listened to us, those not flush with money and power and oil. G. Gordon Liddy is a trip, as he describes how he used a war protester's vigil candle to light his cigar, and then told him, "at least now you're good for something."

You absolutely MUST also watch the DVD extras, in which those interview delve even more deeply into comparisons between Vietnam and Iraq, between Nixon and Bush (they all say Nixon did NOTHING compared to Bush). Also included was Yoko Ono reading the letter she wrote to the parole board before Mark David Chapman's 2000 parole hearing. Yoko puts up such a hard front in most interviews, it was harrowing to hear her feelings in words about John's death.

we all know women rule the world, right? Sometimes we forget..it's so easy to think it's different when all we see are women in fashion, women in porn, women in subservient roles.
Women are powerful. Women are the creators. Women are the forces behind the scenes. Do you think for one second any of these "powerful" men could get along in the world without their wives/assistants/lovers?
Ok i didn't intend this to be a man slam post or anything.
Last night my friend Terre of Fairy Godmother in Minneapolis had a birthday party at her shop. My girlfriends were all there, I baked cupcakes for the occasion (replacing milk with hemp milk which I dont' recommend as it gives a nutty flavor that doesn't belong - but the frosting was yummyy!). Not a man in sight in the shop as women roved. Fairy Godmother is a store of inspiration. I always meet at least one person who says, "I KNOW YOU" but then they can't place me. I must have a shit ton of doppelgangers about. After a stint at fairy godmother we all headed to Gigis, a local cafe that had pizza and wine specials. It was seven of us. One good friend of mine, two friends, one acquaintance that I'm still not sure how I feel about, and two strangers/new friends.
They all knew one another, so I was the new kid. We ordered pizzas, and yakked about random things. then suddenly R spoke up and said something like, "we're all wood nymphs." I began to wonder how much wine she'd had, but then she said something like, "let's all tell what our superpowers are..." jsut when I started to get nervous (I really don't like talking about myself like that), my friend A. said, "no, let everyone ELSE say what your superpowers are."

So we all went around the table, and everyone told wonderful things about everyone. The two new friends, whom I'd only talked to for maybe 15 min total before that time, I had already formed opinions about. And apparently they were spot on, as verified from others. Like I threw out words like "well, D is just 'pure'" and A. is "devoted." Lots of us were crying. It was really powerful. It was really powerful to just be in a group where we all want the best for each other, we all support the power in each other. If it wasn't so cold my phalanges were frozen it would have been a perfect night. ONe of the women who hadn't known me long either said the usual "sassy" about me, (which is true, but sometimes I wonder if it's more the gut reaction to the red hair then my personality), but some of the things people said were an image of a "sparkler....you put a sparkler under people's butts!" and "the knower of tidbits" - which made me giggle - the story went something like, "you dont' bore people with long stories of things, you just tell them tidbits about things!" My friend A. even had a visual to go with this, apparently i take two fingers and tap them vehemently on the table saying, "YOU NEED OT KNOW THIS!!!" I was sort of disappointed that people didn't say things like "she's amazing and calm to be around" etc but maybe that's just not who I am. I'm the energizer. I'm the sparkler. I'm the sassisizer.

I'm watching an extremely interesting show on Oprah tonight. Her guest is Gavin De Becker, the author of an entrancing book called The Gift of Fear.
The book (and her show) tonight are all about using your intuition to keep yourself safe.

He said several interesting things:
Women are taught by society that they have to be nice all the time.
Then he said, in all his years of security and hearing all the stories of women who were raped or attacked (edit: those who had interaction with their attacker beforehand), none of them came from someone NOT being nice (as in, not engaging with someone they found creepy). In all cases, it was when women still, after their intuition told them differently, talked to a man, let a man in a door, helped a man, etc. that the man took their "being nice" as an opening.

"when a man in today's society says "no," it's the end of it.
if a woman says no, it's just the start of a negotiation."

"men, at their core, are afraid women are going to laugh at them.
women, at their core, are afraid men are going to kill them."

what do you think about those statements?
As someone who has endured an abusive relationship, i know for a time after that if I got into an argument with a man, i was afraid I was going to be hit.
I no longer fear that. I used to think that I had to be nice to everyone (including creepy guys trying to talk to me) but as I've gotten older I know I don't have to do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess I do fear maybe that a man would hurt me.

oh but in one of his books he did say something that pissed me off:
"if you get abused once, you're a victim, if you get abused twice, you're a volunteer."
He's oversimplifying things. He's ignoring the intricate psychological web that abusers spin around their victims. By the time it actually escalates to physical abuse, you are likely (mentally) trapped. They isolate you from your friends. They say things that subtly dent your self-esteem. That said, I now know signs to look out for, so I can jettison the loser before it ever comes anywhere near that point.

Ok this is some weird shit.
So, the last time I remember seeing my Bill Hicks Live DVD was maybe Jan 2007 when I took it to NY so my then-boyfriend could see it. I haven't a clue what happened to it, and asking round to anyone I would have lent it to yielded no results.
So I'm cleaning out my TV cabinet in prep for selling it and I find a mysterious white DVD. No writing on it. Looks a little worn. I pop it in. It says something like, "this was made for the sole purposes of a backup for the owner." it starts playing, and it's
MY FRICKING BILL HICKS DVD!!!
So, I have it again, only it's NOT the original, and I have NO idea how the backup got there.
Ok hold on a sec. Is it possible I ripped a backup for myself and then sold the original on Amazon? Oh that would be too easy....

*comes back to keyboard*
nope, I didn't sell it.
WTF??? very weird...

I'm so fucking sick of people. I am trying so hard to make connections with people and it only seems to go so far. There are a few people that have connected "back" and I'm so grateful for their friendship, but sometimes I do want to admit that it's difficult to "break in" here in Minneapolis (as I continue to read in so many places).
Blargh.

EDIT WITH HONESTY: I do wonder if some of it is me. If I reach out to people a few times and they don't respond, i think they aren't interested and I give up and withdraw. Logic tells me that it likely has nothing to do with me. But my sometimes fragile self-esteem assumes the worst. I was talking to a friend of mine and she was telling me about her daughter. How no matter what my friend does, her daughter always has this "hole" in her, and she always feels lack. I wonder if that's my problem. I told this to my friend, and she was very zen in her answer, she said, "well, that might be just how it is for you then. As long as you are aware of it, you can deal with it."
maybe it's another "should..." I SHOULD be magically self-esteem healthy at all times...

YET ANOTHER EDIT:
I think I was just crabby yesterday. I was frustrated because everyone has kids/significant others and was spending time with them and not me or whatever!! NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH. ;) I'm feeling better today. And oddly enough after I made peace with the fact that everyone was busy and I'd just have to entertain myself, suddenly everyone started getting back to me. Funny how that works.

I was all set to write a 2007 wrapup/2008 plans post, and lo and behold! Found this on ilyradeity's journal.

THE YEAR 2008

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Not looking for a "job" per se as much as honing in on how I can best market the skills I have. I'm self-employed but spreading myself thin with too many careers: graphic design, writing, blogging, tech stuff, marketing, web design, marshmallow-making.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
I wouldn't say "looking," but I'm "open to" a relationship, versus my near complete and utter career and friend focus of 2007.

3. New house?
Doubtful, as i'm either moving to New York or Europe this year.

4. What will you do different in 08?
Stop worrying so much about what other people think/feel/judge.
Eat less meat.
Remember that "peace is the container."

5. New Years resolution?
isn't this the same question as #4?
Lose the last 30 lbs that I put on hold in 2007.
Finish the NY marathon.
Challenge myself in the world instead of being afraid of being imperfect.

6. What will you not be doing in 08?
eating too many marshmallows.
dating people just to fill time.

7. Any trips planned?
Visiting the "godless" nations in europe.

8. Wedding plans?
only if threatened.

9. What's on your calendar?
loose trip to New York in the next month.
Training for marathon.

10. What can't you wait for?
not much right now, and I need to change that.

11. What would you like to see happen different?


12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Worrying less about other people's lives. Losing 30 lbs.

13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Oh i can't share it here. The internets aren't private. Something sexual that I had thought about but didn't expect to experience in real life. Don't worry, it's legal and doesn't involve anything nasty.
I started realizing that I'm not such a bad person after all. In fact, I'm kind of cool.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
this is a silly question.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
I will continue to take more fashion chances. I actually wore legwarmers for fashion!

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
drinking is not an issue in my life. Unless you mean "coffee."

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
I've been doing that for the last ten years.

18. Will you do charity work?
I volunteer when I can.

19. Will you go to bars?
Unless threatened. I'm not a bar gal.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I like being nice to people I don't know! In Minnesota people are always shocked when this occurs.

21. Do you expect 08 to be a good year for you?
Yes, I feel like amazing things are going to happen.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Wow. Last year at this time I was just out of a relationship that I frankly was using to distract myself from my life. I was going to counselors to get answers. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm really enjoying my life for the first time maybe in my WHOLE LIFE. I still have crappy times in which I go WTF??? but the big thing I've realized is THAT'S LIFE. Being from a dysfunctional family I had these ideas about how things "should" be, and that caused me nothing but misery. Also I don't continually analyze myself anymore. The best thing i did for my mental health is to stop analyzing my mental health.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
not unless I marry someone who already has one.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I hope so. But I always am open to new friendships. The world is my friend sandbox.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
I wouldn't say "major," I would just say I'm refining things I've been doing for the last few years. I've been eating organically, I just need to cook more, and introduce more vegan options into my diet.

26. Will you be moving?
Yes. Either New York or Europe. Or some other country that I haven't thought of yet. I'm not married and am kidless so it's time to roam.

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 08 that happened in 07?
Getting sidetracked by "worthwhile distractions."

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Went out with my pal Sassy_54 and her friends to the Gastouf

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
only my virtual boyfriend.

30. Wish for 2008?
Clarity.

So after years of doing nothing but dry technical writing, and frankly being scared that I"m not creative enough to do...creative writing, I said FUCK IT and I'm on the horse. My friend Sam asked me to write on her travel blog, and she's letting me write on obscure travel topics like couchsurfing network and hiking winetasting tours, with an upcoming one on the BubbleGum Alley in San Luis Obispo.
I've never been one who is at a loss for ideas. My trouble has always been in execution, and flair. So it's been hard to fluff these posts. I'm trying to keep in mind my first lesson in non-technical writing. My editor said, "this is a fine article, all the points are there, but it needs more...fluff." So I went home, and piled on the poof. I was certain she'd see it as I did - an article with as much fluff as a Park Avenue poodle - but she said, to my surprise, "this is PERFECT."
So for this assignment, I poofed. and she LOVED IT.
I also noticed something interesting about myself. In things in the physical realm, I have a tolerance for imperfection, and downright crap. Over the years, I have taught myself such varied physical skills as martial arts, running, horseback riding, wirework, spinning yarn, and candy-making. Every single one of them produced embarassing results at times. Yet I accepted them as part of the process in gaining skill and competence. But somehow, I haven't been able to do that in my mental pursuits. I resist advertising myself in the realms I don't considered myself "expert" in, (like graphic and web design) even though my "amateur" results can bitch-slap many company's better efforts (and they are charging more than me too!).
So my big goal for this year is to accept the process, and love the (temporary) crap.

So, I think I may have posted on here about changing my name...
before it was a feeling of "I feel like a different person than i used to be so I need to change my name," but now it's a marketing matter. if I'm going to be known as a product, then my product name needs to be google-able. And my consonant-laden name, Jaszewski, is supremely un-googleable.
So, I've been contemplating a last name change, with a first name alteration.
here's my thought:
Change "charlene" to "charlotte" and add cool last name.
Something simple, but memorable, preferably something kicky.

I kind of like "Charlotte Jerome."
It's simple, and it honors my late brother (Jerome is his middle name).

My brother and I were giggling about silly names like "Charlotte McPinkerton" or "Charlotte Van Faggypants" but obviously those are right out.
;)

Sometimes I miss working in cubicleland - it seems i had a LOT more time for web surfing and other chitchat than I do now that I'm my own boss, what with marketing and prospecting and pressing the flesh and all that.
I'm wondering - how much time do you all devote to keeping up on your online social networks? With MySpace, facebook, LJ and others, I get overwhelmed by how much time I would need to keep up with everyone and everythign I've joined over time, and then I feel guilty about not keeping up with my friends' exploits...


Poll #1108986 Online Socializing
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

How many hours a week do you spend keeping up online social networking?

So, I got accused of shoplifting today!
No, i wasn't shoplifting.
I was doing my usual early afternoon procrastination at Another Look consignment shop on 50th & Xerxes, which up until today was one of my favorite shops for cute skirts. I walked in, and friendly gal that I am, greeted the salesperson. I was met with what could only be called an uncomfortable fractured force smile. I shrugged and gots ta shoppin. I grabbed a pile and headed for the fitting room. Just as I was trying to cram a skirt over my hips the lady came to ask how I was doing - i told her I had just popped a tag off...oops!
i came out and modeled the skirt, she said she liked it, the usual salesperson patter.
I put back half the stuff I had in the room, and continued to walk around. I could feel her hovering around me. She came to bug me twice in five minutes. Once I gave her the skirt that the tag popped off of. Then when she asked me if she could "hold" the stuff i had, I told her no because I was trying to match it. Finally I realized I was trying way too hard to make the stuff work, so I put the stuff back, zipped up my jacket and headed out to the car.
As I'm starting up the car (parked right out front), I see she's followed me to my car!
Her: "You took some items!"
Me: "what?"
Her: "You took some items didn't you?" and she's looking in my car.
I reach in and show her my purse, and the other crap on my front seat. "Why do you think I took something?"
Her: "you rushed out of the store quickly."
Me (not realizing leaving somewhere quickly is grounds for suspicion): "I realized I had to be somewhere!!!" (real reason: i realized I'd been procrastinating too long...but that's my biz) Let's go in the store and I'll show you the items."
Her: "UH...WELL...UH...(stammer) I'm sorry ma'am, have a nice day" this said with the most painful "smile" I've ever seen.
I was just livid by this time, and said, "no, I'm going to go in and show you the items you think I stole. Here are the skirts, and here's the sweater!" i've never glared at anyone but I just GLARED at her as I walked towards the door. She didnt' say anythign.
Then I ruined it and said, "I have items consigned here and I want to take them out."
her: "I thought you were in a hurry."
Me: "Now I'm just mad. But yes I do have to go, nevermind." and I left.
I'M JUST SO ANGRY!
I'm such an honest person! I give back change at stores if they give me too much!!!
I've been feeling down this week (holidays and stress) so I'm sure this is bugging me more than normal but ICKY.