so my friend sends me this pic of Sarah Palin that is floating around.
My first reaction is that it's photoshopped - one, because it's just too darn easy to do, and also, who wears their glasses to the pool? honestly.

Is anyone good at this? my only resort is to pass on jokes I have, or do funny voices. Chris (the guy I like) is beset by yet another two crises (his house has bedbugs and his business partner doesn't want to be biz partners anymore), and I'm getting afraid to ask how he is, since he always answers, "shitty." I never know what to say. At first I ask if he wants to talk about it, and he would. But of course little miss perfectionist feels responsible if she can't bring someone out of their funk. Then again, when I was freaking out about my apartment thing no one could really do anything for me either. But damn I dont' think I've ever met someone with so much drama going on in such a short time. he's aware this is karma cleanup but DAMN!

but in my vain attempt to bring humor, I did find some funny jokes:

* What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
* A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus." The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?" The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."
* René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.
* A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
* A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?"

I can't decide if he got someone's ass fat injected into his cheeks in a last ditch attempt to look young or his face just finally collapsed when he ran out of young boys to suck blood from...

I'm dating someone.
I like him.
Things are going slow, which is good.
Things external to us derailed thigngs a few times (Darby, the man I was with for six years, said he "wasnt' ready" to see me when I was in CA two weeks ago for a conference and that threw me into closure, and this guy's ex, a girl he was ready to marry over a year ago but he broke up with because he didnt' want to come in fourth after her career, family and friends, came back into town and hit him up with a bunch of yucchy "closure" as well).
So finally we're in sort of the same space and we're hanging out and having fun. What do I do? start picking on stuff that isn't there because I am scared of getting close to someone (even if things aren't at all serious yet, he's someone I could like so the fear is there). He moved me into my new apartment this weekend, and even told me he "enjoyed himself alot" moving me (how often do you hear that?) but even though that was a really nice thing to do I found something to pick on him about anyway. He called me on it, said he "felt underappreciated" (and rightly so!). I was going to take him out for brunch afterwards but it took longer than we thought so we didn't have time.

I have been freaking out about finding a place to live for the last month - only finding one at the last minute on Friday. i had to move out of the place I was in - new roommate was coming in. it's not an excuse, but it's an explanation for not having a good emotional buffer (that I have started to develop,yay!)

as a sorry and a thank you, I am going to give him some fancy gourmet chocolate bars. and i'm going to include a pretty card and an apology in it. Something like, "You got so excited when i gave you the dark chocolate raisins the other day, so I thought this would be a nice way to say THANK YOU for moving me on Sunday. And also to apologize for my behavior lately - i picked on you undeservedly, and I don't want to push away something that is good and fun. I hope you can accept my apology and i hope you REELY like chocolate." Charlene

I'm really getting sick of this flailing. of myself. But at least the time between when I get scared and when I realize I'm behaving from fear are getting shorter. Actually, this time I even felt myself on the phone with him, thinking, "hang up Charlene, you are fried and in a mood and you are going to say something out of stress and fear that you shouldn't." but I said it anyway.

So, whatever happens happens. At least I'm looking it as a learnign experience and not an opportunity for crucifixion (line to the left, one cross each).

oh man! have I been incredibly lax in updating here!
It's apt though, as I kind of feel now that since I am in MY OWN NEW YORK APARTMENT (more on that in a minute) that I can finally get thigns started. When I was subletting I kind of felt like I was in a holding pattern...especially the last place...i had a roommate and she never let me forget it was HER PLACE. No matter. I am in a magical little apartment on the Upper West Side - it is a one bedroom and although it is a ludicrous amount of money by anyone's standards, I got a STEAL in NY - and all utilities are included too! AND my hair behaves well in the water here. WOO HOO!
So, now that the housing is under control, I can get to figuring out why I'm here in New York and what to do next. I think this will be the FALL OF FLUFF. I'm going to try to get into one of the Flea Markets out here!
oh man it's 2:48 i need to sleep!
more soon!

Do NOT try to upgrade your iPhone firmware to 2.0 unless you want to rend and tear your flesh.
Here's what will happen:
1. It will download the 2.0 software.
2. It will install it on your iPhone.
3. Your iPhone will attempt to connect to iTunes to authorize/complete the upgrade.
4. IT WILL STALL BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS COMPLETELY OVERLOADED BY EVERYONE UPGRADING TO 3G PHONE, AND IN THE MEANTIME, YOUR PHONE REMAINS IN A "LOCKED" AND UNUSABLE STATE.

******guess who did this already????***************
I thought i'd avoid the whole 3G mess by just upgrading my current phone and ended up getting reamed by Apple bad planning anyway (proxy reamed?)

SO BE PATIENT AND WAIT UNTIL THE MESS IS OVER!!!

So I'm walking home from my afternoon run, when I see this black dude taking a leak against a tree, right on the sidewalk ahead of me. he's havng a chat with his friend, and appears not only sober but not at all crazy. I kind of shake my head as I walk by, and his friend calls me "cracker" but then the dude says, "NO BUTT."

If a black dude thinks i have no butt, then my butt must be smaller than I thought it was, woo hoo!!

You know I started writing this big poetic and sappy post about men i loved and loved me back, men who couldn't love me, men who I didn't love back. But why not just put it out there?
Being rejected SUCKS.
Rejecting someone SUCKS.
Trying to be friends with someone who rejected you sometimes HURTs (even though you know they were wrong for you anyway).
Trying to be friends with someone whom you ended a long relationship with is hard. You wish you could be close with them but after a while you both just kind of move on with your lives and although you know that's what's right it still hurts because you remember how close you were before. (obviously i talked to D from California this week). I've watched two men I've loved deeply move on to get married (each within a year) after I ended things with them, and I'm still single. This usually doesn't bother me. I've been so focused on my career, and figuring out who I am and what I want in life (all fine things to be figuring out). But sometimes I wonder if I coudln't have been doign the figuring with either of them. Well, maybe not the first one, he was a cocky arrogant ass. Well maybe not the second one, he wanted a normal life. I wanted a life of adventure, and mystery, and leaping without a net, and risks, and strangers, and weird foods, and weird people, and New York. And now I have that. So maybe now I want intimacy too. and cupcakes.

This is my first official post as a NEW YORK RUNNER! WOO HOO!

I have a sprained ankle that actually feels BETTER when I walk on it, worse when I am off it for hours. Anyone ever have this?

here's what happened: I live in a place that has high front stairs as it is, and they took the stone off the top of one to be replaced. I was walking down the steps yesterday on the way out for a run, and I don't know if i misjudged it or whatever but BAM my ankle turned on my way down. After the requisite MOTHER F*&*ER language, I sat down for a minute to recover. Oddly enough, it hurt a little, but I could still walk on it. I DESPERATELY wanted some exercise so I decided to still go out for at least a walk. After ten minutes of walking, it felt...ok.
I gingerly did a few steps of jogging...still ok.
So, I decided unless it started hurting more, i'd do my intended workout. I did it - and more! Had a nice wearing out of the craftyredhead and came home. I was pooped, ate some lunch, and took a nap. When I awoke several hours later - it hurt! I thought ok, I guess i did overdo it. I iced it while I was around the house, and put an ACE brace on it when I walked around a bit on a date last night. Again, it didn't feel too bad!
So I get up this morning, and BAM it hurts again!! I ice it, treat it gingerly again, but I have things i HAVE TO DO, so I limp around on it. Surprisingly, the more I walk on it, the better it feels!

Anyone else ever have this odd kind of sprain? If it helps, the place where it hurts is not around the main ankle bone - but go forward about two inches, the other bone that sticks out on the inside of your foot (not sure what it's called). That is a little swollen.

I'm having a devil of a time naming my consulting biz - the part where I am writing and doing SEO...(graphic design is studiomoodle.com)

what do you think about:

smart mouth consulting

It's not too cutesy, and even though it does have a "smart ass" connotation - it does describe what's coming out of my head...

love it? hate it? what do you think?

So I'm intrigued by the book, "Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure."

I noodled around with a few but I think this sums it up the best:

*life improved after realizing everyone's dysfunctional

stolen from slughuntersf

Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Which ex? ;) For all except one, would pull over and flog them with blankets, call fire department, save their lives.
For other one, I'd douse him with more gas and pull out the marshmallows.

What is the last thing you spent money on?
This little chicken guy from the craft show.

Who is the most attractive female/male on your MySpace friends list?
Ugh I deleted my MySpace account because MySpace hurts my eyes.

If you had to sleep with one of your teachers from high school, who would it be?
Let's see, my choices were either: perverted priests, or frigid nuns. NONE.

The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say to them?
Did they spell it "bitch" or "beeyotch" makes a difference...

What was the last thing you cried about?
been spending too much time alone working and I miss my peeps.

When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell them to keep it?
KEEP THE CHANGE AND GO MAKE YOURSELF PRETTY.

What is the last voice mail you received about?
This guy I'm dating calling me to talk to me all drugged up on Vicodin because he pinched his sciatic nerve. poor guy!

Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
hmm...thankfully last year was pretty tame...although there was a ride on a NYC subway where a hoody guy asked me to get off the train with him.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
HELL NO. But sometimes for fun.

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
Que? Yo no hablo Taco Bell. YECH!!!

Have you ever had a garage sale?
Every week! I'm moving to New York and doing purge fest 2008 and my garage sale is being held on craigslist.

What color is your iPod?
Which one? I have iPhone with purple case, pink nano (for running), and old school pink mini that I can't bring myself to sell. PINK PINK PURPLE.

Do you drink beer?
eh. when forced I'll drink Stella Artois.

What was the last movie you watched at home?
Marie Antoinette. Great 80s soundtrack!!!

Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife?
Don't really have bf, am dating two guys, one I met online and one I met through a different guy I'm no longer dating.

What's something fun you did today?
Attended the HandMaiden Minneapolis craft show. Also had lunch with my superfun friend sassy_54 and her bf and son.

How many states in the US have you been to?
Intentionally traveled to: 12. add a handful more that I drove through.

What are you going to do after this?
draw some more toast cartoons for buttons Im making this week. See my toasts here!

Who was the last person you went shopping with?
wow...um....my friend Nicole. I really don't shop much...

What kind of car do your siblings drive?
My brother doesn't even have a license even though he's 25!

In no particular order
1. Hand holding
2. Someone to cook with/for
3. Making up our own common language/vernacular
4. Someone to create stuff for
5. Frequent communique of the humorous nature
6. someone to say "poor baby" to me when I've had a rough day
7. Someone to cheer on
8. Feeling like a team
9. Someone to tell me when I'm whining/full of shit
10. lying in bed all pretzeled in each other looking into each other's eyes and then someone farts

I was so looking forward to the Handmaiden Minnesota's craft show in uptown, but the weather is saying it's 33 BELOW ZERO windchill so I'm not so keen on leaving the cuddly warmth of my down comforter and fuzzy robe right now.

So i have been chatting with this guy in New York since I met him last October. First conversations were fun...we were gettting to know each other. Not necessarily deep conversations, but frequent ones. He made some comment that the real character of a person comes out just in daily interactions, and I liked that. This continued for about two months, then his daughter came to live with him, a HUGE change for him. He was kind of freaked out, but happy to have her there. Since then, we've been able to chat less (obviously). I'd try to ping him during the day, but he's super busy now with election stuff going on (he works for a democratic organization). So, frequency of our chats has been less and less. . But something that bugs me is he's an "abrupt" person. I pointed it out one day and he completely agreed. He even said if he goes out with people, and suddenly decides he wants to leave, he'll just go. He won't even say goodbyes or anything. I would more consider that a little rude, but who knows. He sort of does that on chat too.
If I ping him during the day and he's online, many times he'll just go "red," i.e. he'll change his status to "away" without even acknowledging my ping. A few times of this happening I didn't take personally. But i did ask him, "is it futile to try to chat you during the day?" He said, "no, please keep trying." Then I get on in the evening, and he's usually going to bed.
I felt like we were getting to know each other but in the last month felt that sort of stop progressing. Part of it's me...i have kind of given up trying to chat him anymore, and moreover have stopped being available on chat in general just because I'm getting frustrated with using it as a primary conversational medium (with anyone). He has started to call me for short phone calls which is fun.
I dunno, maybe it's just futile to have a relationship progress long distance sometimes. Or I'm just using this as yet another orthwhile distraction from my own life.

So I'm working on a graphic design project for a client - it's one of those free gazette type things, he wanted a mockup so rather than just put in "blah blah blah" i'm writing fake content.
Do you know how easy it is to write a snarky astrology column? I think it's what Rob Brezny does.

For your reading enjoyment:

Aries
Mars is finally out of retrograde. You can cancel all your shrink appointments for the next month. Start planning sales calls and asking people out again. Shave whatever hair is appropriate for your gender.

Taurus
You've been having some family issues the last week or so, but all that is done for now. Next week: Dad announces he’s gay and in love with the manager at Foot Locker.

Gemini
Now would be a good time to get some cheesecake. Seriously.

Cancer
While everyone else is getting out from under the rock, you'd better get under it. Big nasty stuff is coming down. Don't peek out until next Thursday.

Leo
Someone you’ve had a crush on has finally noticed you. Too bad they ‘ve noticed your stalking. Watch for a restraining order in the mail tomorrow.

Virgo
You've been a good dog. Walkies?

Libra
I know you've been contemplating some big life changes as of late. Good news! You're not pregnant. You do however have crabs. Imbibe at will.

Scorpio
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

Sagittarius
You are the chattiest sign of the zodiac, and everyone is tired of it. Read a book.

Capricorn
You are known as the sign with no soul. This column is not going to dispute that, you dark-hearted, soulless bastard.

Aquarius
Things are finally looking up for you at work! Yes, it was worth it to screw the VP.

Pisces
Stop whining.
No, really.

Netflix is my best friend right now. I'm catching up on all the movies I've missed while living in Minneapolis (NOT a first run movie town). Right now I'm watching U.S. vs. John Lennon. The movie itself was compelling. A stark portrait of life in the late 60s and early 70s in which John Lennon and Yoko were voices for peace. Inevitably talk turns to comparing that time to now, and I feel a kinship with those who opposed the Vietnam war; yet I feel even more powerless than they did then. The government doesn't listen, has never listened to us, those not flush with money and power and oil. G. Gordon Liddy is a trip, as he describes how he used a war protester's vigil candle to light his cigar, and then told him, "at least now you're good for something."

You absolutely MUST also watch the DVD extras, in which those interview delve even more deeply into comparisons between Vietnam and Iraq, between Nixon and Bush (they all say Nixon did NOTHING compared to Bush). Also included was Yoko Ono reading the letter she wrote to the parole board before Mark David Chapman's 2000 parole hearing. Yoko puts up such a hard front in most interviews, it was harrowing to hear her feelings in words about John's death.

we all know women rule the world, right? Sometimes we forget..it's so easy to think it's different when all we see are women in fashion, women in porn, women in subservient roles.
Women are powerful. Women are the creators. Women are the forces behind the scenes. Do you think for one second any of these "powerful" men could get along in the world without their wives/assistants/lovers?
Ok i didn't intend this to be a man slam post or anything.
Last night my friend Terre of Fairy Godmother in Minneapolis had a birthday party at her shop. My girlfriends were all there, I baked cupcakes for the occasion (replacing milk with hemp milk which I dont' recommend as it gives a nutty flavor that doesn't belong - but the frosting was yummyy!). Not a man in sight in the shop as women roved. Fairy Godmother is a store of inspiration. I always meet at least one person who says, "I KNOW YOU" but then they can't place me. I must have a shit ton of doppelgangers about. After a stint at fairy godmother we all headed to Gigis, a local cafe that had pizza and wine specials. It was seven of us. One good friend of mine, two friends, one acquaintance that I'm still not sure how I feel about, and two strangers/new friends.
They all knew one another, so I was the new kid. We ordered pizzas, and yakked about random things. then suddenly R spoke up and said something like, "we're all wood nymphs." I began to wonder how much wine she'd had, but then she said something like, "let's all tell what our superpowers are..." jsut when I started to get nervous (I really don't like talking about myself like that), my friend A. said, "no, let everyone ELSE say what your superpowers are."

So we all went around the table, and everyone told wonderful things about everyone. The two new friends, whom I'd only talked to for maybe 15 min total before that time, I had already formed opinions about. And apparently they were spot on, as verified from others. Like I threw out words like "well, D is just 'pure'" and A. is "devoted." Lots of us were crying. It was really powerful. It was really powerful to just be in a group where we all want the best for each other, we all support the power in each other. If it wasn't so cold my phalanges were frozen it would have been a perfect night. ONe of the women who hadn't known me long either said the usual "sassy" about me, (which is true, but sometimes I wonder if it's more the gut reaction to the red hair then my personality), but some of the things people said were an image of a "sparkler....you put a sparkler under people's butts!" and "the knower of tidbits" - which made me giggle - the story went something like, "you dont' bore people with long stories of things, you just tell them tidbits about things!" My friend A. even had a visual to go with this, apparently i take two fingers and tap them vehemently on the table saying, "YOU NEED OT KNOW THIS!!!" I was sort of disappointed that people didn't say things like "she's amazing and calm to be around" etc but maybe that's just not who I am. I'm the energizer. I'm the sparkler. I'm the sassisizer.

I'm watching an extremely interesting show on Oprah tonight. Her guest is Gavin De Becker, the author of an entrancing book called The Gift of Fear.
The book (and her show) tonight are all about using your intuition to keep yourself safe.

He said several interesting things:
Women are taught by society that they have to be nice all the time.
Then he said, in all his years of security and hearing all the stories of women who were raped or attacked (edit: those who had interaction with their attacker beforehand), none of them came from someone NOT being nice (as in, not engaging with someone they found creepy). In all cases, it was when women still, after their intuition told them differently, talked to a man, let a man in a door, helped a man, etc. that the man took their "being nice" as an opening.

"when a man in today's society says "no," it's the end of it.
if a woman says no, it's just the start of a negotiation."

"men, at their core, are afraid women are going to laugh at them.
women, at their core, are afraid men are going to kill them."

what do you think about those statements?
As someone who has endured an abusive relationship, i know for a time after that if I got into an argument with a man, i was afraid I was going to be hit.
I no longer fear that. I used to think that I had to be nice to everyone (including creepy guys trying to talk to me) but as I've gotten older I know I don't have to do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess I do fear maybe that a man would hurt me.

oh but in one of his books he did say something that pissed me off:
"if you get abused once, you're a victim, if you get abused twice, you're a volunteer."
He's oversimplifying things. He's ignoring the intricate psychological web that abusers spin around their victims. By the time it actually escalates to physical abuse, you are likely (mentally) trapped. They isolate you from your friends. They say things that subtly dent your self-esteem. That said, I now know signs to look out for, so I can jettison the loser before it ever comes anywhere near that point.

Ok this is some weird shit.
So, the last time I remember seeing my Bill Hicks Live DVD was maybe Jan 2007 when I took it to NY so my then-boyfriend could see it. I haven't a clue what happened to it, and asking round to anyone I would have lent it to yielded no results.
So I'm cleaning out my TV cabinet in prep for selling it and I find a mysterious white DVD. No writing on it. Looks a little worn. I pop it in. It says something like, "this was made for the sole purposes of a backup for the owner." it starts playing, and it's
MY FRICKING BILL HICKS DVD!!!
So, I have it again, only it's NOT the original, and I have NO idea how the backup got there.
Ok hold on a sec. Is it possible I ripped a backup for myself and then sold the original on Amazon? Oh that would be too easy....

*comes back to keyboard*
nope, I didn't sell it.
WTF??? very weird...